Pence Proposes Conversion Therapy for Coronavirus Victims

Vice-President Mike Pence announced plans today to put coronavirus victims through conversion therapy to rid them of the disease. “This isn’t how they were born–and this isn’t what God wants for them,” Pence explained. Pence directed victims to go to church, ask for forgiveness, and never tell their parents. Mother will assist with rehabilitation efforts. “We’ve redirected funding from the CDC to help them change their behavior,” Pence added. When

Trumpvirus Poses Major Threat to Nation

The CDC warned today that an outbreak of Trumpvirus presents a significant threat to the health of the nation. The CDC estimates that at least 70 million Americans have already been infected by the disease. Symptoms include a sudden inability to separate facts from fiction, an intense focus on a 401K account, a high tolerance level for criminal activity from a president, irrational fits of paranoia, general loathing of people

The End of Trump

He descended from an escalator breathing like Darth Vader boarding the rebel ship in the first scene of Star Wars. We’ve been aghast ever since. But we can see the end of this Evil Empire now. It’s only months away. But how exactly does this menacing villain meet his demise? Predicting the final episode doesn’t require George Lucas, J.J. Abrams, or any mental acuity–not even a Magic 8-Ball. We know

The Most Environmentally Sustainable Plant-Based Milk

Animal-based milk is cruel, unhealthy, and harms the planet, which is why I’ve been drinking plant-based milk since 1990. I previously wrote about the healthiest plant-based milk, but the healthiest plant-based milk isn’t necessarily the milk that does the least harm to the earth. The criteria for identifying the most eco-friendly plant-based milk includes production location (e.g., water-intensive nut grown in drought region), wildlife and natural habitat impact (e.g., bulldozing

Joaquin Didn’t Ruin Your Coffee

In the article “Thanks, Joaquin, for Ruining Our Coffee,” Boston Herald columnist and guy who has never heard of plant-based coffee creamers, Joe Fitzgerald, writes that Joaquin Phoenix’s Oscar acceptance speech was “intellectually barren and viscerally revolting.” He criticized Phoenix for not mentioning Puerto Rico where he was born, said he “he babbled for three minutes while squeamish viewers tried not to vomit,” referred to Phoenix as a “fool,” and

Four Years After Death

It has been four years since my father passed away. Over the past four years, I’ve shared the lessons I’ve learned from this experience to help others prepare for and cope with the grief that follows death. This year, I asked myself what I could share with you that I haven’t already, or that’s worth repeating. I’m not sure much changes now. There’s a lot of missing–times when loss feels especially sad.

Educating Rush Limbaugh

In a radio interview this week, Rush Limbaugh said, “That’s the Academy Award, best actor for a movie appropriately called The Joker. We are the center of the universe, Mr. Phoenix. Humanity is the center of the universe by design. We are the stewards of the universe. We are the stewards of the natural world. We are the ones bestowed with the intelligence and the compassion to do it. We

U.S. Congressman Gets Slammed for Slamming Joaquin Phoenix’s Factual Dairy Oscar Speech

U.S. Congressman Fred Keller (R-PA) issued this statement in response to Joaquin Phoenix’s Oscar acceptance speech: “Congressman Fred Keller Slams Joaquin Phoenix’s Anti-Dairy Oscar Acceptance Speech.” “Joaquin Phoenix winning Best Actor for playing the Joker fits him to a T because his comments would have been laughable were they not so offensive. Phoenix’s rambling remarks about America’s dairy industry prove how out-of-touch he is with the hardworking Americans who grow our

But My 401K

Donald Trump cut taxes for billionaires, ballooned the national debt by $3 trillion, and has run up $1 trillion annual budget deficits that risk putting our country in a financial crisis. But my 401K. Trump has taken the most irresponsible shortcuts to artificially prop up the economy by deregulating the country’s worst polluters to allow them to maximize short-term profits. But my 401K. Trump has told more than 16,000 documented

The Night Joaquin Phoenix Spoke

Have you ever believed in something with all your heart and wished everyone would support it? Have you ever felt the frustration, anger, and sadness that not enough people are listening? Have you ever been ridiculed for taking a stand for the most defenseless among us? This is what it often feels like to be an advocate for animals confined, abused, deprived, exploited, and killed for food. When someone who